Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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