The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
