Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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