dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize