Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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