Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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