Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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