You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
