Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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