the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
