Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
