Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
