I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You're like the curious george of whores
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
