I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
