Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
