why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
