yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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