i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
