Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
