a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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