Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
