Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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