Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
