I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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