I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
