were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
