Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
