I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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