Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize