dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
