dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
