How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
