my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
