Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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