I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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