Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
