She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
