Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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