Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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