What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
