It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
