just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize