Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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