he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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