can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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