yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
