My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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