they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
