You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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