And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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