he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize