i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
