I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize