He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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