My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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