i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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