Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
