$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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