A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
