If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
