Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
