she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
