I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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