Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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