I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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