he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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