Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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