She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
