Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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