Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
