I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
