4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
